Sunday, December 26, 2010

Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?

It's the day after Boxing Day - and I'm tired. I'm also more broke thn a kid's toy two hours after Christmas.
So what should we talk about? How about what happened in Thailand when my girlfriend Ashley was on vacation without me. Sounds ominous. It's not.
If you will recall... I had given her my lucky Donald Duck watch  - more of a show of good faith that I wasn't angry with her ( I was) over going to Thailand with fellow female AETs (Assistant English Teachers) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme after breaking up with me thereby screwing up OUR vacation plans. We got back together again a week later.
I'll tell you the gosh honest truth... she always started our arguments. She was afraid of commitment. Of course she was only 22 to my 25... but still... it pissed me off.
The first time she broke up with me in October - actually the one that led to me missing out on a trip to Thailand - it was because she went to a Japanese fortune teller with her boss. The 'sage' told her, and I quote, "Do not be afraid to tell him you don't love him."
So she did.
And boy was I pissed off. She had to have a complete stranger tell her she didn't love me. Did she? I suppose she didn't love me, because she carried through on the oracle's words. Regardless, a week later after I slept with two other women bringing my total score of women I had slept with EVER (up to that time, of course) up to three, she wanted to get back with me. This was after she burned all of the photos of me trying to get me out of her mine. Really. I'm kind of like that bad infection - and the doctor give you enough medicine for 7 days, and you think you are better on Day 8 - but really, you aren't and you get sick again... worse than before - that's me.
Hence the watch.
Via Donald, I was watching over her. A part of me was going to Thailand.
That was my thought process... and now in 2010, it seems pretty juvenile. But back in 1990 it made a lot of sense to me. I've become older and wiser. Definitely older.
Anyhow... when Ashley finally came back from Thailand, she popped by with a present for me. That's the photo above. It's a white elephant. A puppet. Say what you will about symbolism, but there was plenty of it.
She then slowly told me about her trip.
Personally, I hate it when people go about circuitous routes to tell a story that could be told in 10 seconds (I know, I see  the irony, considering I could have just cut to the chase and told you the end of the story - but this is a a story - and not a description about someone's vacation to Thailand).
Anyhow... she was on an elephant ride - a real friggn' elephant! I would have killed to be on one of those large smelly beasts!
Somehow after the elephant waded through a river with her atop, my watch got lost. It's at the bottoms of some nameless river in Thailand.
Great. Not only do I get to hear about my on-again/off-again girlfriend's trip to a country I wanted to go to, but she loses my damn lucky watch.
Now I only have one watch to wear.
Actually, I did bring six other watches (one for every day of the week)... but this was Donald friggin' Duck! I have over 300 Donald Duck comic books! And that's just his own title!
Needless to say, I was not amused. But because I hadn't had sex in nearly two weeks, I was okay with it.
I got my sex alright, but secretly, I hated myself for enjoying myself knowing that Donald had drowned in a Thailand River.

Somewhere never having got over losing that damn watch,
Andrew Joseph
Today's title is by Culture Club featuring Boy George. It's not even close to Rock and Roll, but the title is apt. Sorry. It's a good song though: CROSSTOBEAR

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