Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I'm Your Captain

In April of 1991, I took over as the Editor-in-Chief (don't call me chief!) of the Tatami Times, the monthly newsletter for AETs (Assistant English Teachers) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme in Tochigi-ken (Province/Prefecture of Tochigi). Mary Mueller was the Prefectural Representative for us, and Catherine Komlodi (Gasoline) was the editor. They were leaving after this summer, and I was re-upping for a second year.

Blond and beautiful, I had huge crushes on both. I may have had huge crushes on all of the women I ever saw, but that is open to discussion. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Although I haven't mentioned Mary very much, she was a strong, smart and gorgeous broad. In my first ever issue, ye old blogger did an interview for her in my sub-section Tatemai Times.

Here, for your edification is that interview:

Mary Mueller Mulls Macaroni
Recently, ye editor caught up with former Tochigi-ken PR, Mary Mueller. We (The Tatemai Times) wanted to ask her to describer her time in office.

TT: Hi Mary. How are you enjoying life at PR?
MM: Oh, it's just great!!! I now get to relax and sleep a lot more at school!!!
TT: Are you suffering any withdrawal symptoms from losing all of that power?
MM: Well, my office knows I'm not in charge now!!! So I can't spend all of my time on the phone!!! Darn it!!!! No longer can I call up people long-distance and tell my office it's PR business!!! Now I have to use my own phone!!! Do you have any idea how expensive my phone bill will be?!!!
TT: Uh, yeah... so can you tell us an interesting story about your time as exalted leader?
MM: Of course!!! I like talking about myself almost as much as that An-do-ryu guy!!!
TT: Only louder.
MM: What??!! I can't hear you!!!
TT: Nothing. You were going to tell us a story?
MM: Huh?!!! Oh yeah!!! (squeal!!!)

*Interlude* The next six hours are a blur as ye editor slipped in and out of consciousness...

MM: ... and then he fell to his death!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!! And then there was the time...

*Interlude* Two hours later...

MM: Now this is my favourite part!!! Oh come on you guys... wake up!!! I can't believe this!!! Now shut up and listen!!! I'm going to tell the readers all about your snoring on the Nasu hiking trip!!!
TT: Thank-you very much Mary for your time...
MM: Quit talking while I'm interrupting!!!
TT: I hope the rest of your life is as adventurous.
MM: You haven't even let me speak!!! How can this interview be over?!!! Huh?!!! Answer me that Mister Smartypants!!!
TT: Sorry. It just is.
MM: (Expletives deleted!!!)
TT: Th-th-th-that's all folks.

Somewhere there was something about Mary,
Andrew Joseph

Today's blog title is brought to you by ye Grand Funk Railroad: POWERTRIO
PS: Mary was always giving me the gears - but she was so cool to always call me at just the right moment with a birthday wish or a call to check in me or just to get the latest gossip while secretly ensuring I wasn't becoming suicidal.
PPS: Tomorrow's entry is a biography on one Catherine Komlodi - the former Tatami Times editor, but secretly my dream girl.
PPPS: Tatemai means 'white lies'. The photo above is the cover to that first issue of the Tatami Times. Tatami means grass floor mats. I didn't come up with the magazine name, but it's cool. I altered the artwork - one of the brilliant Thirty-six Views of Mt. Fuji by famed ukiyo-e artist Hokusai Katsushika (surname first). If you don't get my joke, it's a running Bugs Bunny cartoon gag. ALBUQUERQUE

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