Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I Wanna Be Loved By You

Oh... this is going to be awkward.

After spending the night with Cathy who had invited herself over... I am consumed by guilt.

Not because I used her (I did), but because I think she likes me more than I like her. Maybe. I don't want a girlfriend - or if I do, it's with my old girlfriend Ashley who is now my friend-with-benefits. 

Part of me wanting to be with Ashley stems from the fact that I am stubborn. Or at least I am nowadays. 

I dislike losing.   

I dislike not being liked.

I dislike not being the center of attention.

And, while Ashley has not replaced me with anyone else... I know that THAT feeling would be the worst of all... like how could so-and-so be better than me? 

Yes, I'm aware it's ego. It's also self-confidence. I'm confident that it's ego.

Just an hour before I slept with Cathy, I slept with Ashley. Yes, alcohol was involved, but since I was able to sleep with both of them, I'm going to assume that not THAT much alcohol was involved... at least not for me.

Today is a holiday. 

Welcome to Monday, September 23, 1991 here in Ohtawara City, Tochigi Prefecture in Japan where I am an assistant English teacher here on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Progarmme for nearly 14 months. Ashley has been with me since say 2 of my arrival, and Cathy I met this past August. I also met Karen at that time. I am trying to date local fox Shoko. And while I am trying to get as much sex as inhumanly possible, if I was to have a girlfriend, it would be solely with Ashley.

I don't like to lose. Ever. 

Of course, I wasn't always like that. I used to be shy and wishy washy up until I did my second year of journalism at Humber College (after like five years at University wasted getting a political science degree - seriously... what do you do with a BA in political science?). It was there that I came out of my shell... and met a woman who wanted to go to Japan on the JET Progarmme. At college, I was a success at damn near every thing I touched.. and it showed by me getting into the Programme and into the Toronto Star's Summer Internship programme, as the first ever college student to do so.

So... you can see how when I arrived in Japan... I wasn't used to losing. Combine that to the fact that suddenly women found me attractive... well... a guy can get full of himself... but what the hell.... I took it up the butt for 20 years... Japan was/is my time to shine.

So... despite sleeping with both Ashley and Cathy last night, I have to tell Cathy that while I like her, I don't like her anymore than as just a friend. That I don't want her for a girlfriend.

She says that's all right and then immediately begins kissing me again. 

Just like when I broke up with Ashley and then she decides it's actually over three days later—doesn't anybody listen to me? I have a big freaking voice! Powerful. Rich and fairly deep! People don't usually have a problem hearing me or understanding what it is I am talking about. 

But Cathy apparently doesn't understand that. Or maybe she just wants more more boink before she goes. Okay. Whatever.

We have separate showers, dress and small talk some more. She tries again—how much can one man take?!—as I show her my puzzle, she begins kissing my face and stroking my hair while marveling at how thick it is. I assume she was talking about my hair.

I walk her to the bus stop, more or less pat her on the back (so as to not give her false hope), as I turn and leave. She says something—a farewell perhaps— but I'm too embarrassed by me rejecting her that I don't turn around and instead mumble "See ya."

I tidy up my apartment, wash my sheets and finally get a replacement glass face for my watch (which I am still wearing 20 years later). I had a crack in the face that was letting in moisture and fogging up my sight. To dry up the moisture, I found that merely placing the watch into my microwave/convection oven for 10 seconds would not only dry up the water, but it would also cause some massive electrical arcing within the oven. Yeah, it could have exploded... but after 10 seconds? I figured a dry watch was worth the risk... so I did it for eight days.

While my eyebrows will eventually grow back (they did six hours later) , I figured I should get the watch fixed. 

Ashley comes over for dinner. I had told her about Cathy being horny and probably wanting me and begged her to spend the night. Rather than that, she did ask me to ride her home. We had fun along the way and back at her place before I headed back home to take care of Cathy. I had promised Ashley that we would continue today, with the best sex we've ever had... but... while we are eating the traditional Japanese fare of tacos while watching a few videos, it's obvious we are both too tired to help me live up to my truthful boast.

I ride home with her, make out a short while and then go straight back home and head to bed.

What a strange long weekend. I seem satisfied, but I still feel bad about having to let Cathy down. But my relationship with Ashley seems to have improved immensely.

Oh...  you know what? Ashley didn't ask me about any details about last night with Cathy - and I didn't volunteer any, except to say that I tried to let her down easily and honestly.     

Somewhere feeling good about the future,
Andrew Joseph
Our blog title is inspired by Marilyn Monroe: POOPOOPEDOOP

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